Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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