Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize