Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
