great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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