I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize