Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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