My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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