god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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