don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
