My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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