thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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