Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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