My Higher Power is John Stamos
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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