his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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