She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
