wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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