i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
