i need an iv and a liver transplant
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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