I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
