Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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