My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
