Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar