Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance