My liver just broke up with me...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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