What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows