the condom got lost in my hair
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
