You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
