nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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