I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
