She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
