I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
