I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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