ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
