unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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