My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
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How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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