He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
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hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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