I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
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Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
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And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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