She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
this is an emotional support booty call
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
