My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize