a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My life is pants optional.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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