My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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