at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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