I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
