so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize