So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
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And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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