question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I currently don't understand fingers.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize