So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
