i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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