I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
