I just saw a hot homeless man
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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