When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
